FRS: Seema Raja

So we all know what an FRS is right? Right? Let’s get on with it because this movie took seven hours to end.

 

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-300: The one millionth time when we see molten metal falling into the mould to create the movie title.

Here it comes with heraldry also. #MadeOfSteel types

 

-101: Some minor irritation happens and someone in the crowd shouts: “indha aniyayatha thatti ketka aale illaya?” and cue to SK introduction.

Yes this has been happening from Bhagavater times.

 

+12: SK has two horses named Alex and Telex #goodnames

SK also names his pigeons after Tom Cruise, Arnold, Obama etc

 

-10: Just when we thought director Ponram had done away with narration and ushered in a new age in commercial filmmaking, there is narration.

Damn narration.

 

FRS Mini Bytes

 

All narration about (insert regional language here) history is ultimately a glorified version of the (insert regional language here) past.

 

+21: SK breaks a wooden fence during introduction, uses pieces of the broken fence to continue action. We appreciate this reduce and reuse approach.

 

FRS Mini Bytes

98% of movies about villages will be about how one village is not able to get along with nearby village. Here it is Singampatty vs Puliampatti

 

+32: SK,Rajah of Singampatti is able to attract an audience of 11,000 people for his facebook live.

This is in a time when even Sunny Leone was able to get only just above 6K in a recent live stream. We will not speak about how we know about this Sunny Leone fact, matter ends there.

 

+101: Self referential movie is totally self referential

SK acknowledges this very fact in the opening song, when the oeuvre of director of Ponram is compared to “aracha maava araipoma” but even a talent is required for that.

Seema Raaja is essentially the SK-Soori combination and a lot of girl chasing thrown along the way; as usual getting the girl is the goal of the hero

 

-101: Even if hero is the rajah of Singampatti, goal of hero is: get the girl.

Here it is Samantha going under the name Sudhandhira Selvi (Daughter of Freedom?)

-54: Heroine says no means no, but hero tells story of phoenix bird which attempts to reach the sun at every possible attempt even after burning; heroine is amused and ultimately gives in to these ‘charms’. #ModernLove

-341: As usual, hero sings song in praise of farmers and how they never seek to gain profits

But never pauses to ask question what film producers seek to gain from such unabashedly profit making films.

-100: Ex-Lady Superstar Simran plays the baddie in this semi-rural film which means that audience need to understand that shouting will be a major character trait.

-29.8: At some point that movie becomes so boring that usually enthusiastic FRS writers themselves have stopped coming up with random FRS points and started to browse their mobile.

It was at this time that they could have seen the Sunny Leone instagram live stream, although we won’t talk about this anymore.

-54: That no one on-set had the courage to tell what Soori was doing is not funny.

-890.3: Movie suddenly tries to become Baahubali with an absolute force-fit for the ages with a story about Kadambavel Raja(also SK) who protected his land from invaders.

Since the present day story-line was not going anywhere, the story of Kadambavel Raja is echoed and Seema Raja also protects the land of his people etc from crony capitalists and middlemen etc

I mean… was this not boring while writing itself?

 

Seema Raja pushes the boundaries of boredom to such an extent that boredom is transformed into an irrepressible irritation, only very few movies are possible of doing such things. That itself is an achievement.

 

Also since most things are force fitted in the film, you can at least listen to what we have to say about pride and history in general.

 

If our pride should come from past glories, then we are failing in the present and will surely fall in the future as well.

 

Well, that is a depressing statement to finish an FRS with, so we will add some 20 marks for a CGI generated leopard which is there for laughs in this movie.

 

Regards

Team FRS

Vanakkam

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FRS: Saamy 2 aka Saamy Square

saamy-2-46So you all know what an FRS is right? right?

+120: To director Hari.

critics have often told that he tends take things a few notches higher; Hari seems to have taken this criticism to heart and named the film as Saamy square which means that the current film is a result of multiplying the first movie by itself.

+6: Aarusaamy is back

Vikram so much looks the character that he makes it look like they are using extended footage from the first film shot 27 years ago.

(no this is not a side-reference to Vishwaroopam/Vishwaroop 2)

-10: Weather and mother nature start behaving badly when Aarusaamy gets angry 

(no this is not a side-reference to Sabu from Chacha Chaudhary comix)

-12: Just when you thought that there was not going to be any narration, there is. 

+18: Aishwarya Rajesh plays Bhuvana

the character essayed by Trisha in the original; but we did not see any “ivarukku badhil ivar types” serial credits at the start thus making it momentarily difficult.

-10: Aarusaamy has been married happily for over a year, but never has he once realized that the ultimate goal of his wife was to become an IAS officer #notcouplegoals

-70: Suddenly there are three sons of the original villain and all of them come from Srilanka,

the chief of them is even named Ravana; obviously hero name is Ramasaamy

+45.9: Bobby Simha as Ravana Pitchai is one of the best antagonist portrayals this year, he gets an accent, a signature killing move, a creepy BGM and performs even, just forget about the beard though.

-32: Cronies of Perumal Pitchai do not question the authority of the ‘newly-sprouted’ sons and not even one of them come to stake claim.

We hope that, this portion will be covered in the Netflix series called Saamy 1.5 or square root of Saamy 

-714: Movie suddenly says “28 years later”, which means movie should take place in 2032 but actually takes place in our time only. 

Alternate movie suggest: Saamy 2032 aka Saamy From the Future

{Aarusaamy Jr aka “6” is a humanoid robot in the service of Tirunelveli Police, which is now being run entirely by robots to fight crime against the ARUVA 2.0 gang (Artificial Robots Used For Violence and Arson) 

Accidentally ‘halwa’  falls in his mouth during a drug bust and 6 starts to believe that he is a human police and goes in search of true meaning; we can get Denis Villeneuve interested no?} 

<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<GET ON WITH IT>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

+561: Movie suddenly becomes a supernatural police action film, even though this was totally unexpected, it blew our minds.

+327: Obsessive Hari heroes are obsessive about  transport

Ramasaamy (Vikram again after trim shaving Aarusaamy get-up) actually mugs entire flight time tables (both public and private air carriers), he is also very specific about kilometers etc; so good.

We believe the biggest beneficiaries of the Udaan scheme of the government are Hari movie heroes namely Singham and Saamy. Doing their bit to encourage aviation in tier 2 cities.

But Saamy is one step lower than Singham, who is known to recite  latitudes and longitudes of places by heart, thus making Google maps skip an update.

<Let’s cross our fingers for a Duraisingham and Ramasaamy crossover, should be in the lines of Ramasaamy becomes a rogue police official and Duraisingam is tasked to bring him in. Let’s call it Toothukudi: Civil War>

-201: Heroine is “foreign return”

Keerthy Suresh studies a one year course in human psychology from University of Liverpool, but does not realize that incessantly calling IPS officers during work times could irritate them.

-107: Heroine’s father is a politician in Delhi; but did not send her daughter to JNU for the psychology course.

Was he afraid she would become urban naxal or was cut-off too high? Many such open questions.

-21: Name of coffee shop where hero and heroine meet in Delhi is : Delhi Coffee Shop

(I mean come on guys!)

+17: Second time in the history of Tamil film where heroine comes and disturbs a training session at some military academy in the hills. Hi to GVM.

-305.2: It is 2018 and Soori still thinks getting himself hit by others is funny, but the joke is on us because he is there in every other film.

+7: Mildly funny Keerthy Suresh is mildly funny, she should be paid for comedic quotient.

<Business Model Moment>

Can we evolve a model where we can track the amount of laughter generated in comedy scenes in theatres, parameters could be wild-to-mild laughter and claps and then pay the comedians as a proportion to their success? This could be a merit based model which could motivate comedians to come up with actually funny stuff.

</Business Model Moment>

-34: All songs whenever, wherever 

+101: One killing set-piece

+50: Movie suddenly becomes Mad Max Fury Road in the Thar desert before the climax (one more surprise), but some sections of the audience were furious (FURIOSA!)  because run-time just crossed 7 hours.

+23: Hero establishes greatness of the police police force by choosing IPS over IAS; wait we have seen that…um…never mind

-5: Convenient transfer to Thirunelveli is highly convenient

+71: Ramasaamy has the President of India on his email contacts, and they CONVERSE IN CAPS!

Oh wait, there are plans to make it a sequel too. Saamy Cubism?

<All numbers are incidental and irrelevant, except the data provided by our data analytics team based out of PUNE>

Yours sincerely

Team FRS

Subam

Vanakkam

 

 

 

 

FRS: Bharat Ane Nenu

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So you all know what an FRS is right? right?

-780.9: To us (Team FRS)

We are now doing FRS of Telugu (telungu as we tend to use) films even when having not  one percent knowledge of the language/culture/societal dynamix/audience expectation. That we are doing this in a brazen daylight manner (actually it is night while we type this, but brazen daylight has a nice ring to it) should attract more point cuts.

But we are kind to ourselves.

Also now that we are talking about things that we have no idea about, do we qualify to be called critics?

<Forget the above, we are getting on with it, in quite bit; lil rusty>

[Pause for Cough]

we welcome you to yet another episode of the FRS

[/Pause for Cough]

{we really wanted to use flower brackets, just for representation}

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+5: No Narration, well we know that is a hard thing to find these days 

+12: Hero is very much educated, well we know that is a hard thing to find these days 

-34: Hero is educated abroad in fact he has five degrees,(includes Iberian languages and town planning) but director does not focus on plunging student debt and such realities

-67: Money shot of hero running towards the audience, but is actually running for his convocation thing.

Bharat’s Law  (not Bar-at-law)

 You are not a mainstream Indian hero if you are not late for your own convocation; but of course you reach just in time before your name is announced.

Convenience wins!

+103: When asked what he is going to do with life after being soooo educated, hero says “I don’t know” which proves our primordial hypothesis that education fundamentally is useless. (Yes, we know)

-69.52: This ‘I don’t know’ then morphs into an opening song sung by none other than Farhan Akhtar; name of song raises doubts about where this movie is going.

Actually movie is going to the next scene. (-1 to us, don’t be a wise ass, always)

Next scene: Hero’s father is dead. (yes just like that)

And now director will use the travel back home duration to tell us what we really want to know about Bharat’s father and mother.  Your childhood memories, selectively aided by British Airways.

+45: Whole movie is about the importance of a promise or in other words the importance of keeping up a promise, a lesson that Bharat learns early on from his mother. A promise that he makes as chief minister also leading to make the villains ‘accountable’. Good overall thread, connects to title too.

-1947: Bharat’s father(Supreme Star Sarath) is dead, now we know that he was chief minister of Andhra Pradesh; obviously his son Mahesh Babu becomes the next CM.

Just like how silk sarees are passed across from mother to daughter, the thing that is passed from father to son is just an entire state. 

#DemocracyDemolished but didn’t see any think-pieces about how this film encourages autocratic rule and transfer of power and dynasties etc.

-56.2: Old CM’s family friend and mentor is played by Prakash Raaj which means that all the people in the 31 districts of Telangana and 13 districts of Andhra Pradesh know that he is the villain.

#KuchBhi

<sorry for spoiling, LOL>

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-35.912: Hero now becomes CM means we will be shown 3 hrs of slow motion CM walking with his aides footage with DSP music.

Many economists think that the slowness of the motion has a correlation with the slowness of economic growth.

But like most economists, they are wrong. Because Bharat changes everything in 8 months. Sab Teekh Ho Jayega.

[Pause for Cough]

This makes me wonder, is the real villain of this movie is Prakash Raaj or is he being pup-petted by a collegium of economists, who will not have enough TV air time in a booming economy? 

[/Pause for Cough]

+50: Whenever Kiara Advani is on screen

+51: Whenever Kiara Advani is on screen and wearing yellow dress

#FocusList2018 #VassumathiRox

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Is the above rating sexist? Should we add something about Mahesh babu wearing sunglasses to balance it? Maybe we should

[Insightful Intermission-also potential Facebook caption material]

 

Mahesh Babu wears sun glasses for 79.7% of the film, we interpret this as a big middle finger to all critics who said they could not see any of his expressions on his face in previous films.

This time, he didn’t allow them to see his eyes only.

[/Insightful Intermission-also potential facebook caption material]

-17:  Kiara Advani’s father is a middle class police constable who will surely have the honour of mouthing the dialogue ” after all we are middle class, what can we do?” or some such shixx in a socio-political film

-219: CM”s new research team recruits will consist of (surprise!surprise!) heroine Vasumathi. Reason for selection stated: “they are preparing for civil service exams”

#MeritBasedRecruitment

+10: If you want to be a good CM, the first thing you should focus on is traffic, good advice.

+72: Relentless hero is relentless, Mahesh Babu also has a mass re-entry scene much like the one Indiana Jones has in Raiders of the Lost Ark; should probably add more points for that shot from Slocombe

Keeping Up With The Joneses Rule (or the ONE rule of film making)

Never steal but if you can’t avoid it, always steal from the very best

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-34: Movie is cinematographed by two aces namely Tirru and Ravi K Chandran and pretty to look at but, for a man named Chandran he really does dial up on the sun flares and halos behind the hero.

We get it, guys! Watching this on amazon prime increased the heat on our already oven like laptop

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-400: Movie does not know what to do with heroine that it sends her to her hometown (I mean DEI!!), so going add more pix just for sakes

#BringBackVasumathi

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-52.33: All songs whenever, wherever

+127.9: Hero falls in love with one specific location for fighting scene that he requests all the goons to assemble there. Not seen anything like this!

-127.9: Movie builds up too many things but doesn’t really have the time, but then that’s why hero got second chance to become CM right?

Oh it is almost 2019 already. Intent matters, bro.

<All numbers are incidental and irrelevant, except the data provided by our data analytics team based out of Pune>

Yours sincerely

Team FRS

Subam

Vanakkam