A note on the Fawlty Rating System (FRS)

*Initially thought about in 1934, it came to fruition only in the late 2000s.

*It is the only movie rating system in the universe to be based on a Buddhist scroll that was actually written by an Irish traveller who had been an assistant director in the movie “Birth of a nation”, the scroll was curiously titled “The Monk Who Sold His Ferrari to make a Baahubali”

*The rating system is now named after the Irish Traveller, a small portion of the proceeds from this review will go to a bhel puri vendor in an undisclosed street corner for secret reasons.

*All numbers and words are arbitrary, mostly imaginary. They do not mean anything

A note on the Fawlty Rating System Ends

A second note fearing severe backlash.

Hi, right we acknowledge the fact that comic book fans wouldn’t go crazy over our review of Civil War. No we didn’t read the comic book based on which this movie was made, however good or bad it is, we do not know. The point being, movies are different from comic books and comic book movies are not just for comic book fans. If so these movies wouldn’t gross so much across the world.

People don’t read newspapers only, how will they read comic books? (hehe that’s…never mind)

Although there is a segment and since we are writing this from India, we are likely to be hit/tortured/abused by folk passing off as comic book geeks.

Hi to you all.

There, we have effectively enraged our target segment much before the review.

Now to the FRS.

civilwar1

-249.3: THIS MOVIE SUCKS!

Now, do we have to justify this? It does really.

I mean you have to believe us on this, just like Captain America believes whatever his friend ( who was the antagonist in the prev film, yes under the influence of some secret terror group, but still villain, mind you).

So if you like kill hundreds of people and go tell Cap, who is your friend that you did it under the influence, Cap will forgive you and believe and defend you till the world’s end, because………..urgh this movie sucks.

-1400: The tragedy of Tony Stark/Iron Man

Boss, one character is so cool for three movies in one franchise and suddenly he has like guilt about what he did in last movie and then he starts connecting to his family, dei flower in ear only. Added to this he is separated from Pepper Potts.

This whole MCU was set-up based on the coolness of Tony Stark, so if this had been Iron Man: Civil War, Stark would have been the guy opposing these government regulations.

So in next movie if he is quipping again like usual means, we will punch in face.

-560: One normal guy is able to break the Avengers

Because you know getting some extraterrestrial villain for this was not possible

-90: Girls even if they have super-powers will be confined, because Girls. Boys can roam.

-1.9K: Nobody has really anything to do in this movie, nobody, that is the reason why even Sam Jackson didn’t come, because already so many jobless characters and this Nick Fury anyway jobless.

What will he do?

eg: Vision, even Avengers dont know why he is there, except that he has one stone on his forehead which will turn out to be another franchise maker in some later movie which every fanboi will go “WOWO!” about.

Jeremy Renner as that archer, what he is doing from first avengers movie? If he was honest he should be giving back his salary.

Added to this another new character who will get his own stand alone movie when nobody cares to tell what he is doing in this movie apart from chasing the wrong guy: Black Panther.

-156: Cameos

Cameos are like-able, but if whole movie is just a setup for this Marvel Corporate to set up further movies. Then surely this must be condemned.

This movie is just one big doll assembly, like the GIJOE collection face off that kids do on Sundays. It is cool as a concept, one hero facing off against another, but we and they themselves realize nothing will come off it. (“this is not the true fight”etc)

This movie solely exists to realize the wet dreams of those who dream about Iron Man vs the Cap.

The Cap is so boring here (after a brilliant appearance in Winter Soldier) that he is not the main character in his own movie, Spidey gets more claps.

Every other plot point is an excuse for this big face off which happens in some airport, yeah the graphics and all is great, but so what?

The format of the movie is as follows

Set-up to action sequence.

mid action sequence quipping

post sequence quipping

mock-serious meeting with quipping

set-up to action sequence

mid action sequnce quipping

So you get how this is done

There is absolutely no depth in the new characters and we are expected to carry over the conflicting characteristics of existing characters. Every character speaks like they are in a trailer and not a movie, maybe this is not a movie and just a trailer.

Irritating this is true and I have to pay 120RS for a trailer.

+50: Ant-man is funny, but he is funny everywhere and his inclusion also is forced in what is already a forced fight.

-58: Conveniently doing away with what the story was building up to be

-100: Americanah shizz, Avengers stands for American Revengers only, they have right to attack any country in the pretext of world safety and will get guilt only when pointed out that one black American guy dies when a whole city-state was uprooted, and they say BvsS was a stupid movie.

BvsS at least dealt with issues far greater than a UN Accords which forms the flimsy pretext of this movie.

+786: Jesse Eisenberg who shows how good a villain can be, this MCU has no villain, it thinks it can function entirely on cool characters.

-2500: Yes to us, for previously supporting Marvel movies and trying to make sense of this mind vacating popcorn nonsense, it is time we switched sides, we hate this movie to an extent that it is in fact liberating.

Hate makes us stronger in the bigger scheme of things, these things should stop.

Holy, we should give ourselves even worse points on the FRS scale because we actually did like Age of Ultron.

Sorry we will tread with caution, hereafter.

-1: For every fan who tries to read too much into Marvel films or brush this off as saying it is ‘fun’, no this was excruciating.

-35: City names cover the screen, as if we cannot read “BERLIN'”it seems!

We read books and all, I’m sure we can read a few city names.

-19: Supporting non super hero characters, not supporting and purely unnecessary

-2 :Post credits

 

If this is the best of MCU, then Marvel has very low standards, I’m sure viewers should accept these standards as well.

 

 

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One thought on “FRS: Captain America: Civil War

  1. I basically agree with all the points that you have made. And it’s true that the Age of Ultron was much better. But I do think that since the beginning, MCU has always been about popcorn entertainment, which is sometimes not so entertaining. There’s no point in looking for a meaningful, logical story, or any story for that matter in these movies. The kinda stuff they’re rolling out can be compared to any bollywood entertainer, but for the technology used in production, along with the amount of money invested and earned back! To be honest, just glad that you have decided to switch sides!! 😉

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