< A famous film critic walked past Caustic Kumar and Moderate Manohar brandishing her free ticket at the poor duo who had been assigned the task of reviewing Raja Rani>
Caustic Kumar: Why doesn’t she pay for the tickets? Why don’t we get press tickets?
Moderate Manohar: Heh, we aren’t even press and I think she is going to give a 4/5 rating and calling it an ‘instant classic’
CK: You’re quite right you know, another Friday another disappointment
MM: My inherent moderate outset…doesn’t allow me to see things your way
CK: there is nothing called an inherent moderate outlook, we are all animals, just that you choose to hide your fur
MM: Didn’t realise you were this angry, but yeah movie was sleep inducing at worst, clearly better than most formulaic
CK: This is formulaic with a double capital F, this is Mouna Ragam with a Mohan back story without any of the interesting moments, and this is Rhythm…wait why am I even comparing this with those
MM: Unfair to compare a debutante’s work with a really fine Vasanth film, we should take this like a film made for today’s youth, reflecting today’s sensibilities
CK: We are today’s YOUTH!!!< Brushes hair forward to hide premature dynamic balding>
CK: The only good thing about this film is that it made me think about how nuanced Rhythm is, how loss of a loved one in turn blooms into love for another; this in turn is an ad film, look at the house they live, it looks like an endorsement for German-made furniture, this film has the heart of a refrigerator. People don’t live like that. <Mumbles further>
MM: At least we had Satyaraj, another example as to how a stature of an actor really fills up for an underwritten role, this film was jumping with character sketches
CK: yes the lovers of the past are expected to be cute and innocent, which is what they are; which is ONLY what they are; the only guy who comes out with minor scratches.
MM: your problem is with the subject matter and not with the filming.
CK: What filming?
MM: I agree the film has its faults, but I won’t pour out my anger on someone’s films; I don’t think that is right
CK: I have nowhere else to show my anger in this world, is it too much to ask for an honest film?
MM: We don’t want to go the philosophy-ideologue dialogue, so what did u think of the film’s hero?
CK: You mean Santhanam? He is in this enviable unstoppable streak of one liners, seems films are just made show they can take out his reels to Adithya Channel at once.
MM: He is really good; the film is close to nothing without him.
CK: As I believe, most films improve with days and with subsequent bad films; with the continuing trend people in 2020 will call this an epic romance, so we might as well show this the anger it deserves now. So what’s your one-line on this one?
MM: You know I am not these creative types, but I would like to listen to yours. <pretends to listen but invokes a mobile program that downloads the latest Newsroom episode>
CK<clears throat>: OK here goes, “Raja Rani Rocket and Roarer make up the Jog falls, this Raja Rani made things quite false”
MM: Rhymes <shows thumbs up mockingly>
MM: Next time we must ask the chief for a raise, why do we even do this? It is not as if people are going to stop watching the films we thrash or buy the DVDs of which we worship. Leave all that, nobody even reads us. Why do we even do this?
CK: I dunno…for the love of movies?
MM: for the love of movies.
<Exeunt in auto with working meter>