FRS: The Mummy

 

TheMummy1 copy

So, we all know what FRS is right? Right?

Vacation’s over boys!

-101: Narration, even if it is in Russel Crowe’s voice also cheating-like. Because narration brings in a point of view but the rest of the film doesn’t even acknowledge that. What’s this da big holly.

-23: Tired Russel Crowe is extremely tired, maybe it is his character, maybe it is us. We are extremely troubled when our favourite actors land such roles. Taking this opportunity to welcome Kamal Haasan to Big Boss. Hi.

+25: Speaking of favourite actors: Tom Cruise

Tom Cruise

A word on Cruise, let’s give the critics the benefit of the doubt, he does play the same character in every film, which of course is ‘pop criticism’, but we have a feels that Cruise knows what he is doing because at 50+, he was able to bring out something as exciting as Rogue Nation.

There is no actual rule that a screenplay should not lend itself to its larger than life lead actor, in fact it requires some really smart writing.

Boys and Cruise is among the last of the old world Hollywood type movie stars da, like that only.

-50: Speaking of smart writing, Tom Cruise being chased by a 5000-year-old Mummy who thinks he is her chosen one, like really this is the Nagesh arc from Utharavu Indri Ulle Vaa

+22: These ancient Egyptians are very specific in their rituals, so elaborate

-100: Elaborate Egyptian rituals can be interrupted

-343: Movie rests entirely on the above point

-5: Bossugal of Egypt think that Mummifying is the worst of punishments not realising that it is the most favourable situation for Hollywood Bossugal

+6: Hero does not say the useless overused line “I hate mummies” in this franchise

-21: Hero thinks stealing and protecting artefacts are the same, although he is not Indiana Jones. Hero does not belong in a museum

+23: Bug-Calling: the pioneering tech to communicate in Antman seems like walkie-talkie because The Mummy can do all that without tech only.

+56: Over-powerful Mummy is over-powerful.

TheMummy2 copy

It’s like unbeatable Mummy meets (Mission) Impossible Cruise

+5: We actually came up with the above line

FRS Rule of Thumb: Whenever main villain is captured and put on full display, you can bet your house in Adayar and that estate in Conoor that villain will surely escape.

-3: Conoor

-1: Adayar

-192: Hero sleeps with heroine as mark of love, this is mentioned multiple times in the film but never actually shown. Boss, why do you think we watch English films in the first place (dubbed also same). Please convey to concerned department.

-76: American hero saying “What the hell” when they don’t know what is happening

 

+50: Very good to decent (we give range, for specific data we are not one IBM) action sequences, I mean you don’t really care about Mummies getting hit left right and centre, but it is fun and funny, there is even a Raiders type fight in the lorry.

-10: American archaeologists immediately get into, “what we have here is a 2000-year-old artefact” kind of voice recording which works ok as exposition, but second and third time it is like over professional, boring even

+101: Hero’s friend: yeah yeah he is funny, but then also (no spoilers) LOL this is one of the films where they give a twist to the companion character and much welcome change this is.

 

+5 Tom Cruise running away from things

From a strategic career point of view, I hope he runs away from what this franchise will become, oh wait, there is more. Strike that out.

-35.9: This concept of power, like u were first Pharaoh of one region, suddenly you want to rule whole world. Why? All your IAS officers are doing so well?

Also if you are princess of Egypt, high chance you will not inherit throne, not unlike modern times. Someone said history repeats itself, someone was right.

So, if we keep repeating this statement (which is ‘history repeats itself’) then we will be proving that person right. Right?

+22: Double Pupils

-208.112: Actually, we had decided in one FRS board meeting that we should not cut points for lack of originality, or lack of ideas or something along these lines. Because we believe that very few can come up with something new, see like this FRS itself is one modified (read as copy) format, but this and all if we see…Nevermind.

But still when you have the wealth of content with you (some 300 Universal monsters) … Hollywood Bossugal must revisit this whole franchise funding.

tenor

Oh before we go, there is no Rachel Weisz in this thing, we have no idea how many points we should cut for that alone.

 

Yours Sincerely

THE FRS Team

A LhF Production

Subam

Vanakkam

God Among Small Things

Parking Lot Notes #3 : Wonder Woman

WonderWoman2

It is one of those ‘just-go-wow’ in the theater but nothing much afterwards film that Hollywood manufactures at a healthy rate, the operative keyword here is healthy because the success of these films totally depends on how much we are willing to forget similar films of the past. Since the superhero origin module (probably a template document stored in the vaults of Warner Bros and Marvel) involves ever useable intangibles such as love, hope and discovery,(very difficult to have a superhero movie without stressing on this) the core of an origin is a known one.

Frankly I’m a bit tired of this, also I don’t really follow comic books, hence I have lost the WooHoo! enthusiasm that the comic book t-shirt target audience display in the theaters (I was young once), because in every super hero movie there is difference in only specifics.

WonderWoman1

Patty Jenkins- breaking the glass ceiling

Here in Wonder Woman, it is about preventing the wrath of Ares upon earth by the Amazonian goddess Diana. Of course it is the single point of view narration which means that we get to hear the story in her own voice is the differentiator and how well the film races back in time (WWI, but of course Germans are the villains) by just the show of a photograph. A moment framed in time could be a trigger for an entire lifetime, also striking was the use of oil paintings to tell the tale of Zeus and the creation the island of the Amazons.

The film then goes the ‘it’s the same thing mister Sivam’ after that, there is the training montage, the charming love interest (I pine for Chris Pine), the ragtag group, the need to fight their own battles, a loss of hope, a couple of mad villains, a death of a dear.

Yet, it’s all so wonderful to see things from the perspective of a God and Gal Gadot brings the innocence which is very difficult to fake on screen and I did buy the idea that even Gods can feel that we lesser beings are not deserving of their kindness and grace. Good to see that they have retained the uplifting Zimmer and Junkie XL’s Wonder Woman theme. Repetitions like these when done well, shows. It all comes together nicely.

But when the lights came back on and when I walked back home my old friend memory, returned.

Parking Lot Notes covers the thoughts that go about in our writers’ mind when they walk back from the movies, sometimes they take Ola Auto also, but that is not the point.

FRS: Kaatru Veliyidai

So we all know what an FRS is right? right?

KV2

-313: Narration, not just at the beginning but right through, in fact why show visuals, audio book release karo yaar.

Thiruvalluvar in his seminal work ‘On seeing movies in multiplexes’ has listed down the two things that are major deterrents to a favorable experience.

  1. Narration
  2. Screaming kids

Of course you cannot do anything about the second thing.

-100: Movie is dedicated to the soldiers of the Kargil war, but the setting doesn’t really seem to warrant such a dedication, most of the film is like a ‘come to kashmir, this summer’ kind-of tourism video

+22: Srinagar

+5: There are so many (numerous) tamil doctors in Srinagar that you can actually hold the next Solomon Pappaiah pattimandram* there

-22: Shot in Ooty, but director believes that we will believe it is Srinagar. Some people do.

+35: Everybody is beautiful, even in Srinagar hospital critical care unit. Life is beautiful.

+67: Pakistan as a therapeutic place, if their tourism department sees this then they actually come up with a campaign.

Sample: Rawalpindi Prison: where u can think in peace about your sins. water+food included in package

-5: to us, why are we going around this tourism board angle again now?

-50: For a film set in the midst of a conflict there is absolutely no tension, so why set in conflict?

The recently released Malayalam film Take Off is set in 2014 during the ISIS raid of Iraq and captures the period to unbelievable levels of excitement. Not comparing, just saying.

+21: Karthi for doing a role that is completely unlike what he has done till now, kudos and learns some lessons in the end.

+8.5: I smell the national awards that is going to be won for cinematography and production design esp the sarattu vandiyile sequence

-1: But how everyone knows the same dance steps yaar? Of course others would have prepared for Sangeet, but Rao Hydari and Karthi just came for wedding like few minutes ago.

-3: Now everyone will start celebrating holi along with their weddings.

-94.56: Dialogue

Sample

Venum…Nee Venum…Eppovume Nee Venum…..Enakku eppovume nee venum

Translation: Want….Want you…..Always Want You…..I Always Want you

…. here indicates one minute time gap

Audience Sample

Podhum…Idhu Podhum….please idhu podhum

Translation: Enough….this is enough….please this is enough

KV1

+11: yeoman service rendered by Mani Ratnam heroines to red cross medical camps across the country needs to be recognized

-34.98: Absolutely no point of having supporting characters, this is a big worry, why use so many actors and don’t give them anything to work with?

-92.7: RJ Balaji as the silent but well meaning creep, he looks like the guy who has enrolled in French literature special class so that few more people will accept him. Bring back the share auto RJB #We are waiting. Also he is the 147th Tamil doctor in attendance in the Kashmir Valley

+5:  No bactrian camels were harmed in the making of this magnum opus type of disclaimer we expected, also is this the pioneering tamil film that is the first to use bactrian camels? Wow hat’s off, sir

-50: Director thinks Pakistan-Afghanistan border is like Perungudi toll gate.

41: Director thinks Pakistani army will not check the pockets of those whom they capture

-107: Music director thinks anything can be background music and hence music neither memorable on its own, nor does it help the situation also

Love is supreme and all that, even in abusive relationships. 

“I am sorry. I am sorry. I am sorry. I am sorry”

Damn it, where is the scene where Karthi shouts, “Kaatru veliyidai kannammaaaaa!!!” We went to watch the film for that one second. Damn it.

This is answer to a long held fanboy fantasy question, “What if Mani Ratnam made a Gautam Vasudev Menon film” in-spite of our repeated reminders to fans that both were similar, they went and made the movie anyway.

KV3

All the best. Jugni O.

Subam.

All numbers are arbitrary and irrelevant. FRS is a certified superficial venture.

FRS Team